A Coaching Power Tool By David Keneford, Leadership Coach, CANADA
What Is the Difference Between Choice vs. Chance?
I know I was born, I know I will die, the in between is mine. I am mine. Pearl Jam
As the saying goes, we’re all dying: it’s just a matter of when and how. Sometimes people choose living over dying, while others seem content to simply let life happen to them and around them and take it life as it comes. It’s a state of mind; it’s a choice. “Happiness is not by chance, but by choice” (Jim Rohn).
The Choice vs. Chance Power Tool
In coaching, we encounter situations where people can sometimes feel blocked by circumstances seemingly out of their control. They either don’t give themselves enough credit for the decisions they make when things go well, or they resist taking responsibility for their part when things don’t go well. They can too easily dwell on the obstacles in their way and feel stuck; and this feeling of helplessness becomes a limiting belief that veils the things over which we actually have ownership and unfortunately, they become hidden.
It’s easy to recognize it. When people surrender their choice to chance, they use words like with a bit of luck, fingers crossed, or it is what it is that represents a sense of hope that things will go their way. While it may be a comfort to believe that a higher power is looking out for us, plotting our path, and guiding us in the right direction, it can sometimes leave us feeling helpless, and dependent and deprive us of our ability to own our lives and take possession of what we can control. Another tell-tale sign is a tendency to deny, defend, or deflect responsibility for things that happen to them; in other words, “It wasn’t me, it wasn’t my fault, it’s their problem.”
When we help people recognize the difference between leaving things to chance and where they have a choice, we empower them to take ownership of their decisions AND be accountable for the outcomes of their choices. Choice then implies accountability which implies ownership and an acceptance of control. It’s not always easy, though: “Hard choices, easy life. Easy choices, hard life.” (Jerzy Gregorek).
Of course, people don’t always have a say in what happens outside their scope of control. Accepting that life will always have a level of uncertainty and people won’t always have a choice over everything is also important. Ironically, we sometimes need to shift our perspective the other way around, from chance to chance. Let go of control and accept that there are times when people simply need to let go of something in order to move forward. Sometimes, “You must make a choice to take a chance or your life will never change” (Zig Ziglar). The key is recognizing what is in their control and what is not – where they have a choice and where they must leave it to chance; as coaches, we have the responsibility to facilitate that awareness so our clients can apply their energy most effectively.
Coaching Questions to ask:
- What was your part in what happened?
- What is within your control about this situation?
- What things are outside your control?
- What can you learn from this situation?
- What would control of this situation look like for you?
- What do you need in order to make this happen?
- What do you want?
